How Not To Interview

Posted on February 5, 2009 with 7 Comments

Do not do any research about the company or the position you are applying for. Definitely not. Why would you want to appear well-prepared?

Do not wear a suit. Just wear your light cream khaki pants with a brown blazer, and throw on an ill-matching green cami underneath when you realize your taupe one is in the laundry. Just tug the cami down and hope it doesn’t show under your blazer.

Neglect to bring the phone number of the interviewer with you in your purse. Nothing could possibly go wrong that might require you to phone them and let them know you’re running late, so why even tempt fate by jotting the number down?

Next, leave just enough time to *get* to your interview but not actually quite enough time to find parking. Then spend 5 minutes of your interview time circling around the parking lot trying to find a spot. When you finally nab one, jump out of the car in such a rush that you neglect to actually turn off the ignition or grab your keys before locking your car door. Leave your car RUNNING – but locked! – while in your interview.

Run into your interview five minutes late, a little out of breath while frantically phoning your sister to call the parking lot administrative office to deal with your car for you or set up a BCAA membership while you’re in your interview. Make sure you’re still ON THE PHONE as you run into the office and greet your interviewer.

Fail to retain any information that the interviewer actually gives you in the first five minutes of the interview because you’re so worried that your car that’s running outside in the parking lot will get stolen.

Forget to turn off your cell phone too, especially because you’re expecting a call from your sister to explain what you should do about your car. Your phone, inevitably, rings about ten minutes into the interview.

Wait until the 15-minute mark into the interview before locating any actual brain function and giving an intelligent answer to an interview question.

Yup…. this was my morning. I have the best sister in the entire UNIVERSE, though. She researched the cost of me joining BCAA, determined that it was too expensive for me, and instead spent ages on the phone with the parking lot staff pleading with them to find my car and help me out. She must be awfully persuasive, because by the time my interview was over, they had gotten into my car, turned off the ignition, taken my keys to their office, and left my car safe and locked. Admittedly, this did result in my initially thinking I’d completely lost my mind when I got back to my car to find that not only was it *not* running, but the keys were not anywhere to be found – certainly not in the ignition. But after a few more phone calls, I was able to go and pick up my keys and drive away from the whole sordid mess.

The weirdest part of the whole saga, however, is that I think I’m going to get a job offer.